It’s 11:30 pm, and you hop into bed with your favorite pajamas and heavy eyelids.  You read for a few minutes, turn off the lamp on your nightstand, and BAM!

You’re wide-awake.

As a college student, night-owl, and all around irresponsible human being that is awful at going to bed at a consistent time, I have this experience…a lot.  After three hours of tossing and turning, I usually turn to Google for answers.  Apparently, this happens a lot because of caffeine and stress.

…I don’t know anything about the caffeine part…

Unwilling to give up my afternoon pick-me-up (spoiler alert: it’s strong coffee), I have often turned to writing down what’s on my mind because it’s supposed to help you if you’re can’t sleep.

Granted, it never has, but by 4 AM I’m usually pretty desperate.

I’ve compiled a list of my favorite ‘stressors’ from the early morning hours.  (Warning: Many of them are run-on sentences.  I apologize, but I tried to transcribe them with as much accuracy as I could, and at 4 AM I tend to forget common grammar.)

  1. Time might not real, because fruit flies process time way faster than humans, which obviously means that time is an illusion and my life is a lie.

hank is right.gif2. I keep forgetting the title of a book I want to read by a mildly famous psychologist whose name I also cannot remember.

nye3. There is so much good music in the world and I will probably die without listening to half of it.

same4. I still find it very unfair that Mrs. Reese criticized my Florence Nightingale essay in the second grade for saying “she” and “Florence Nightingale” too many times, despite the fact that it was a biography about Florence Nightingale and, to my knowledge, she/her were her preferred pronouns.


5. Social psychology has historically considered data with very high P values to be accurate and statistically significant and now large quantities of previously considered well-established research is being disproved and called into question.

red6. People shouldn’t be allowed to ask questions at meetings that they could just google and find immediately.

giphy7. Speaking of the second grade, why did my science teacher Mrs. Hudson not hear me when I read the last word of a lengthy paragraph aloud to the class, thought I was stuck, and judge me for a very long time because the word was “plant” and it was written in that textbook paragraph as many times as I wrote “Florence Nightingale” and “she” in my Florence Nightingale biography, and I already read that word aloud like 5 times in the past three minutes?

giphy8. Given that A) humans are extremely language-dependent beings (meaning that we understand the natural world and concepts through language), and B) that language is inherently ambiguous, is it a possibility that we lack the means to describe the origins and existence of the universe through language and therefore limit our understanding of it?

John.gif9. Is it normal to constantly have a song stuck in your head? Like, do normal, functioning humans quite literally, without exaggeration, always have a song stuck in their head?
stuck in head10. Florence Nightingale Florence Nightingale she she she Florence Nightingale. Take that, Mrs. Reese.


But what about you?  Do you lie awake at night?  Or do you sleep like a functional human being?  Comment down below and let me know.  Click like if you blinked while reading this, and follow my blog if you’re a multi-cellular organism.  Peace out or whatever.

3 thoughts on “What Keeps me up at Night…

  1. Thought of you when I read this little factoid in the September 2017 issue of Reader’s Digest. Hope you find it as humorous as I did!

    “In 2016, (the word) ‘whatever’ was voted the most annoying word in English in a poll by the Marist Institute for Public Opinion for the eighth year running. Thirty-eight percent of Americans reported that ‘whatever’ annoys them more than any other conversational word or phrase…”

    LOL!!! And BTW, I’m not one of the 38%! I think your use of it is fun!

    Liked by 2 people

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