Ah, the terrors of the blank, white page, and the expectant, blinking cursor. Waiting. Judging. Hoping. But what about the anxiety of a page full of words? Here’s a little secret, my fellow bloggers and friends…
I write posts I never post. All the time. It’s sort of its own separate little hobby. I wonder, when I write, if this post will make it all the way to the Publish button. It’s a competitive process. Sometimes I write pages upon pages and just close out of my Word doc and declare it beyond “fixable”.
My poor hard drive.
I’m constantly worried about whether my advice is valid, or if my tone is right, or if my jokes are funny, or if my content is relatable enough. I’ve found that my listicles are usually my most popular pieces, but when I write too many I start to feel like a fraud. They’re easy to write; are they cheap and useless? Am I just spewing out more internet BS? I want to create content that is, if originality is truly impossible, something I can at least say I worked hard on, even if only seven people read it.
On a good day.
Sometimes I try to go back and remember what it was that I wanted to do when I started this site. But that vision is muddled because I didn’t know exactly what I wanted for my blog yet, or what this platform demanded. Now, I wonder if I should write the content that attracts, or the content that requires harder work on my end, but sometimes less views. I have some longer pieces that I’ve written that have made impact, even though it was a tiny ripple in the vast sea of blogs. Sometimes I feel like a little sailboat in the middle of the Pacific, in way too deep. I’ve seen blogs go from shiny, brand-new to popular times a thousand in my short time as a blogger. I’ve merely kept afloat. My increase in views is small but steady. It’s not, I’ve learned, an easy ascent, nor a guaranteed one.
But I will not give up my maritime efforts. It’s just that I’m not always sure what to expect and want from them. When I start to judge my blog by the amount of likes and comments I get, I wonder if I’m really in need of a change in attitude. I’m in college; I’m not looking to blog for a living. I’m looking for an outlet for my creative writing, and this a platform that demands upkeep. I’m looking to engage with a community of writers, not only on my own blog, but on others’ as well.
This isn’t about views, and I don’t think it was ever supposed to be. To gauge if I love this as much as I should, I ask myself: If no one ever read this blog again, not for all of eternity, would I still keep it up?
And the answer, I believe, is yes. I’ll stay on this little sailboat and coax it around the sea with my words. I’ll wrap it in punctuation and steer it around with quotes. My heart belongs here. And instead of writing the content most viewed, I think I’m going to try to write some of the harder stuff. I want to continue to focus on the philosophical, the existential, and maybe jazz it up with some of my fiction every now and again. If a listicle slips out sometimes, so be it.
Me and my little sassy sailboat will just glide on, views or no views. I like it here in the Pacific, and I’m just fine with my mediocrity and little ripples.
Big waves have never suited me anyways.
But what about you, if you’re here, reading this? Do you feel anxious about what you blog? Do you blog? Let me know in the comments down below. If you blinked while reading this, hit like and follow my blog. Or don’t. I’ll write on just fine without you.