RE: How are you still single?

Here’s a little blurb I wrote about the above question regarding my fundamental lack of a relationship.  Nothing like a little feminism at 10:30 on a Saturday night.  Enjoy.

I know very little about boys.  I have what one might call a track record of being single.  It’s whatever.  I spend a lot of time on the quiet floor of my university.  I’m not a people person.  And that, apparently, is not conducive to dating.  Not to mention that fact that I’m a psychology major, which is female-dominated for some reason.  And my minors, Spanish and Creative Writing, aren’t much better on the boy frontier.  To make matters worse, I live in all-female student housing. 

But really, these are my convenient excuses.  The truth is, I’m busy and I have shit to do and I don’t see single as a problem needing to be fixed.  The world is full of stories and names for single women that don’t mind flying solo.  We’re hags, we’re old maids. The Wicked witch of the West, Cruela de Vil, Medusa.  Beautiful and insidious.  Seething with jealousy; we are the ones that are unpicked, unloved; if only we had a man by our side to force us into complacency.  On their own, women are liable to do anything.

Because women; you just can’t trust ‘em, am I right?

And you know what?  You’re right.  You can’t trust me. I might just have a secret lair and an evil plan to take over the world.  I’m unstoppable.  You can’t touch me.  Be afraid of single women.  We don’t take shit and we do what we damn well please.  We’ll bite the poison apple.  We’ll take the world by storm if we want to, and with just one look we’ll turn you to stone.